May Tomorrow Be a Better Day

Juli 20th. Vienna

Crazy windstorm on the streets of Wien. I’ve been walking around since this morning, looking for a sweater to buy. Wound up buying all kinds of crap but sweater -as usual.I lost my camera yesterday by the biggest (or oldest?) ferris wheel. All the photos and videos of my trip, and all the potential memories saved in them, gone. I’m not bitter. Not bitter at all. Only heartbroken: Fine Vienna, Fine. It’s also weird how my relationship with photography twists and turns. The more I try to get on a good track with it, the more it evades away. Perhaps, I shouldn’t have relied on it as much as I did in the past weeks to log my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps I’d never be able to express myself as strong and forward as photographers are. I was always one for putting it all into writing; (call me superstitious but) perhaps, it’s my destiny to be forever stuck in words, -the most impoverished way of communication.

No complaints. With time, and a little bit of luck, I’ll start over and be who I am. I know it all now. I have it all planned out. I’m feeling comfortable in my skin. I feel the wind blowing over my cracks and scars. As if these wounds are gonna heal after all. I’m gonna die, only to be born again as a kid with a destiny hard carved into her soul.

The viennese wind is waltzing out on the streets. My feet are tired of walking, but unwilling to stop. The wind blows right through my clothes, into my heart and out of my ribs. I’m feeling fine. It’s all so clear now. I lost my camera yesteday. My first ever euro trip, right down the gutter. but I’m not bitter. I’m feeling fine. so whole, so confident. Ja, “Alles Klar”.

Could this be the end of the rainbow? Could it be that I die right here right now, only to be born again with the same soul, but a new body? I have a significant destiny for that tiny fresh body. Ah, It feels like a good day for dying.